To Future Jenesis.

Dear Jenesis,

I know that these “letter to future self” things are SUPER cliche but that’s okay.  This is your blog, your space, and you can write whatever the heck you want.  So when you get caught up in everything, I want you to come back to this and reset who you are.  A few years back, I looked through journals from when I was like, 11 maybe.  And I thought that 11-year-old Jenesis was so wise and much more insightful than the current state I was in.  I’m hoping that this kind of blog thing will sort of be like that.

Why am I blogging again?  I’ve gone through countless blogs but I think that this one needs to have a lot more purpose behind it.  I came up with a great list in the shower.  You know how we love lists.

1)  I wanted to keep my journal strictly a conversation between me and God.
I’m starting to feel as if sometimes I write in my journal as if I’m hoping that some audience stumbles upon it when I’m gone.  Maybe that’s the case in my mind, subconsciously.  But then where’s the integrity in that?  It’d be like writing cards to Mom hoping she sends them into Hallmark: insincere.  And God is the very last person who deserves an insincere rambling.  So I figure that a blog can still be for some random audiences but also have purpose and be intentionally categorized and all that jazz.

2)  I feel as if blogging is going to be a much better way to blend all of my social media interaction.
I want to instagram cool things and rationalize why I posted it.  But I don’t want to leave a super long caption.  I can do that with a blog because it’s whatever the heck I want.  I want to tweet more than 140 characters?  NO PROBLEM.  I want to write about controversies or spill my guts without the old people on Facebook seeing/commenting/taking it out of context?  Voila.  Donezo.

3)  This is better than tumblr in that it’s strictly my thoughts and not just random puppies and cute things I reblog. 
Although tumblr is exactly perfect for that, so maybe don’t neglect it all together.

4)  I’m about to finish the first year of my twenties and I want to be able to document all the stuff that is about to happen.
Seriously, the twenties are supposed to be the dopest part of my life (so far), propelling me further into dope things in my 30-90s.  So why wouldn’t I be intentional in writing down how I feel about things right now (in a manner that will automatically categorize it according to what month it is/what I wrote about/WHATEVER I WANT)

5)  It could help someone, even if that person is myself in ten years.
Going back to the first point…not to say that this is an insincere attempt to organize my thoughts or swallow word vomit, but rather, if I put myself out there, who’s to say that the feeble attempt of articulation on my part won’t help someone else who’s going through the same thing?  And if in my lifetime I can do one thing that helps one person, my life won’t be in vain.

6)  You could probably show this to your future children someday, if they don’t already get it downloaded to their robot brains.
Self-explanatory.

7)  Sometimes you need to have a tangible reminder of what you used to be like.
Whether that’s because the world messed you up further or you just want to reminisce, there are really good things about documenting where you are now.  Here’s a small list of what your life is made up as of right now (November 26, 2014):

  • Family – you’re home for Thanksgiving break and about to go crazy.
  • Education – “Pastoral ministry major with a worship studies minor” – I’ve said this 839238492834 times. And right now it’s really hard to stay motivated because my world view is shifting SO DAMN FAST.  What is God really calling me to do and am I even going to be good at it when I figure it out??????
  • Zach – he’s the best, and we’re probably going to get married.  I’ve never loved someone that I’m not related to this much.
  • Friends – I have the best ones.  Here’s some proof because these aren’t even all of them:
    IMG_6786
  • Ministry – WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE AND HOW AM I GOING TO LOVE GOD AND LOVE PEOPLE WELL??????
  • Growing up – It’s really hard but I know that it’s 100% unavoidable.  Yeeeaaaayyyyy.
  • And probably many other things…but that’s what came to mind first.

So there you have it, future me.  Here’s why I decided to start trying to blog again.

If all else fails, you’ll look back on this and laugh and think, “YOU’RE SO DUMB!” and be able to move on, thanking God for delivering you from the dark times known as Your Early Twenties.

Now it’s back to homework…you’re in a class with Dr. Vail…and you’ve got to study really hard.  I know you’ll look back on these days and laugh at least a little bit.

I hope you’re still becoming the person God created me to be.

Love,

Present Jenesis

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